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Going to see tottsu ♥ My last day in japan.
Tuseday 24th may 2016.

yup i kinda gone off track with the hole diary thing but this upload has been so slow i wanna get to the good stuff as i have not been feeling too well and i cant see me finishing my diary any time soon so here is my experiance seeing one of my idols <3

Today is the day, the moment I have been waiting for.
I wouldent of thought this day would come but it has.
The show was going to be in the evening so we had most the day to do other things.
so what was the first thing we did. Well I wanted to look for my phone, so we went back to the place I last had it and looked around.
Had no luck at all and honestly talking about it just irritates me because I don’t even remember losing it >.<.
we asked a few people but sadly they didn’t come across it at all.
a lady in the store gave us a lost and found number to call incase we couldn’t find it.
if I ended up accidently throwing it in the bin im going to kick myself because I do recal eating something on Sunday and when after went to put something in the bin, it felt heavyer than normal but I took nothing of it.
we after running all over shibuya and yoyogi park we decided to head back.
I was exhausted so I went back to the hotel and my father went to the planaterium that’s by the sky tree shopping area.
it was on my list to do this as well because I admire kagayas art and one of his shows was on there. But I knew I would be too tired to for the show in the evning as my energy levels are extremely limited.
so while my father went to the planetarium I slobbed about in the hotel room.
Watched the tv and pigged out on the food.
after my experience at parco, this time I was thinking fuck it, lets go all out now shall we.
so I prepared to get rid of most my anxiety in the room, I had enough time to prepare, and that I didn’t have enough time to prepare for tsukas show, I think that’s why I was so stressed out aswell.
well I had enough time to freak out before I went out again.
Chose my outfit to wear for tonight and I couldn’t do shit with my hair because my hair straighter wouldn’t work.
my hair is naturally curly and red and I hate it and I don’t like going out with my curly hair. So I was upset that I had to go out with my hair looking like shit.
I had no choice though.
so after stuffing myself with food I decided to get ready.
put my little red dress on and tried to make the most of my hair,
make up I put on and I hardly wear make up unless im going out somewhere special.
black leggings and a French hat that I wear almost every day I was in Japan to cover as much of my hair as I could xD.
had this small black leather bag I took with me.
the time came and it was ready to go see netro raresosuke.
my dad said I look very nice. That was kind of odd to hear but I was please that it shows I made an effort. But I got no comments from my white dress I was wearing to the other show. >.<
I planed all my outfits. Well anyway I felt quite confident this time going out.
it was the last day for me in Japan so I tried hard to not let my demons get the better of me.
I apologise but I really cant remember the name of the train station we got off at.
but I do remember it was very beautiful, they had a market inside with traditional Japanese goods for sale.
We had a bit of time so we had a look around. My dad really enjoyed it around here as well.
I stumbled across 2 posters of the show I was going to see.
there were 2 other girls there taking a photo of it, and I went up and was like “ahh this is it that’s him”
my dad responds “ahh your smiling”.
ah im like “what do you mean smiling?.”
“you have not smiled much and its nice to see it, you looking forward to the show?”
he asks.
“yes of course but nervous as well, but its to be expected I guess.”
on our way to the theatre now we ended up getting lost getting there.
we had time to spare luckily.
my father tried asking a few people, but I notice some people well mostly females in Japan don’t like to be approached.
perhaps because my father is a man that they would of got the wrong impression and think they were being hit on because it happened quite a few times in Japan.
but when they saw me come along they realised we were genuly looking for help.
I tend to hide away from people so I slowly approach with friends with other people so I look like im not with someone until I step closer.
so they saw me and was like “ahh ok”.
One lady bless her, she went out of her way and showed us where to go to the shinbashi theater.
she walked with us for a good 5 mins to where the theatre actually is. In the opposite direction of where she was going.
she didn’t have to do that but it was really nice of her to do so.
we both thanked her and smiled and then both carried on our way.
when I saw all these girls walking around the corner I thought ah this must be it here.
sure enough it was.
so many people suddenly appeared.
my father asked me “do you want me to come in with you.”
I had a think about it and I thought “you know I think I will be ok. I can do this”
“I can meet you out here after the performance.”
cant believe I decided to go in on my own but for some reason I don’t know why I had confidence then. I think its because I had time to prepare when last time I didn’t so I was on edge the hole time.
anyway going in was difficult because there was tons of people.
I had no clue what I was doing or where to go.
at the entrance there were staff selling the pamphlets so I decided to buy 2 of them.
I decided to make my way to the second floor as that was where I will be sitting but where about I don’t know xD.
up here it was empty, but there were staff by the doors, my nerves started to kick in.
they were looking at me, it took me a while but I managed to get my ticket out and calmly approached one of the staff members.
my Japanese is terrible so I showed her my ticket and she took me to where I would be sitting.
honestly I didn’t like where I was sitting. I was in the middle of 3 seats on the corner.
and it felt very cramped.
getting the tickets was a nightmare so any seat as close as possible was going to be ok with me so I didn’t complain too much,
as we were all waiting though I started to panic again and I tried to gain my composure. I also noticed that once again I was the only ganji in the audience so I had a few looks here and there.
suddenly though I looked on the first floor and I saw a girl I knew I made friends with. She also came to see shota perform and luckily she told me she had been more than once so she was a regular, lucky lucky.
I was .lucky enough to get this day to go because it would not of been possible.
well the show was about to start.
I had a staff member come up to me and showed me the rules in the theatre of what not to do etc.
no leaning over to see the actors was one of them >.< and I was on the corner lol.
The show lasted a good 3 hours while the other was only 1 hour.
It first started with a movie and it must have been about 20 mins long.
then after that the show began.
finally get to see tottsu for the first time ♡
he was wearing ah I don’t know how to say but like white shorts.
there must be a name for it because all the clothes were traditional Japanese style which was lovely to see.
there was a lot of dancing and singing in the show.
a lot of comedy and a lot of innuendos, A LOT OF INUENDOS.
my Japanese may be terrible but I know how to pick up body language.
honestly sexual jokes I don’t amuse me in the slightest so I did struggle a bit to take that all in but other than that I did enjoy it.
one of the actors on stage did notice me in the audience even in the dark (joichiro fujiwara).
gave me the same look that tsuka gave me.
This was like going on for a good 2 mins , just staring right at me. And then he whispered something to one of the female actresses in the show and she looked up at me.
I was actually so tempted to wave to him “I can see you looking, can you tell tottsu im here please” i joked to myself.
I spoke to my friend after I arrived back in England, we spoke about the show and she told me she was upset that day seeing tottsu, I asked how come.
she told me he didn’t seem himself, like he was very on edge nervous.
im not sure.
I couldn’t see too well as she was on the first floor so she was able to get a better view.
well I felt that he took his role in the show very seriously. they travailed to different areas in Japan to perform this show. He and the cast must be quite tired. But the show must go on as they say,
he did look very serious though and I did see him look at my friend a lot.
shes been before so he must of thought “ah shes back again”
if only I could of attended the show more often.
there was a break in the show and I took the time to go to a shop that was there and get something for my sister.
the staff there must of known I was coming because they were very polite to me.
way way before I set off to japan we asked about tickets, we rang the theatre up from England.
it was a bit difficult but this was a new thing to us , we didn’t know how to go about getting tickets for shows. So it was a learning curve. Its not easy is it. Well the gave us some information and we looked into it.
In the end a friend of mine who lives in japan helped me try to buy tickets, it was so stressful as during that time my dad couldn’t stay in Japan on the 24th of may.
I had to beg basically to have that 1 extra day to see the show, and im grateful because my dad went out of his way and was able to have that extra day free.
this was partly well mostly why I wanted to go to japan to see this ok.
well after weeks of back and forth emails we bagged tickets. I was so truly grateful but im not going to lie the stress of it all made me ill.
I was relived that it was all finally sorted.
well back to the story right lol.
there was so much going on in this show, I cant remember everything.
the story is about a troupe (group or gang)
the leader that is tottsu is in love with the leading lady who played as a
Oiran (yumiko takahashi) , please correct me if I am wrong.
and he was in love with her but she kept running off with other men.
another actress in the show is in love with him but he is in love with yumiko.
I felt that saki fukuda played more of a sisterly role , I did enjoy her role in the play actually she also had a solo part where she started to sing.
there were a lot of people performing in this so I cant remember everyone.
but basically in the end yumiko does fall for tottsu but sadly during that time of affection she ends up being killed. So the ending was very sad.
but at the end she came back in a traditional japanese wedding dress and there was sakura petals floating down on the stage, it was very pretty.
he and her walked down together hand in hand and it ended like this.
the audience went wild all of a sudden and then the film from the beginning started to play and showed the backstage rehearsals and cast..
everyone was clapping and cheering at the screen.
I thought that was the end but it was not.
the hole cast came out and bowed to everyone.
then everyone went to stand up and the cast started to give a speech to there audience.
I was not expecting this.
by this all the lights were on and I didn’t like it because that means they can all see my ugly face right.
now I struggle standing in one position for a long period of time due to my back.
but I tried to stand and keep my cool. Giving my respect you know.
It was coming to the end of the show. I was thinking in my head though “he didn’t notice me”. “my sempai didn’t notice me”.
As I was thinking this I could see tottsu scanning his audience, and then he looked at the audience on the second row.
I was like “ahh no, he is going to notice me.”
I was looking at the floor stupidly thinking to hide myself but I couldn’t could i.
I could see his eyes coming towards me and he did notice me ^^.
what do I do though when I notice that happened. I put my head down >.< and I stayed like it for quite a while.
but I do remember smiling a little before I did it. I looked like a timid puppy.
people smiling and waving and im like “please don’t look at me”
but at the same time I wanted him to look , and I wanted to look at him but my emotions got the better of me. Yes yes I do like him so that made it hard for me.
but you know what after eventually I did raise my head and I could see him smile.
I feel as though tottsu struggles with eye contact from what I have seen on shows and interviews ect, so it was so lovely to see him smile and perhaps at me.
I didn’t expect it at all but you can imagine how I must of felt.
My heart was racing.
after hearing how nervous he must have been when my friend told me and then towards the end seeing me, I don’t k now, I kind of felt like well I was very happy and I saw him smiling after he saw me.
This is going off the subject but the girl sitting next to me, my side buddy , she was so beautiful.
im not going to lie ok I think Japanese girls are very beautiful and I envy that. I look like shit compared to her.
she seemed really nice though , we smiled at each other, I mean we are all there for the same thing right..
the cast then bowed and waved goodbye to everyone.
my eyes were fixed on one person though lol.
tottsu waved goodbye towards me and had a big smile on his face.
I did again put my head down but for a short time and then looked up, I did what I shouldn’t of done and started to lean over the barrier to get a better look at him as he was walking off. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want it to end.
lets just say though after this I was in awe of what just happened but the rest of the day I had a big smile on my face. Like I could feel it in my heart as well you know.
tsukas show I had a completely different feeling, the fist day I was in shock, because of well seeing him.
the 2nd day I was heartbroken when I left the theatre because of myself not trying to smile, I don’t want him to feel like I didn’t enjoy the show because I did,.
its just the look he gave me was like out of curiosity ,,,I don’t know.
I don’t know the signs if someone likes you or whatever but I didn’t want him to feel like I didn’t enjoy myself because I did. And as he walked off ……………………… my heart hurt ok, I think because he is known for his smile, I was little upset that I didn’t see him smile much or at all when I was there,, the Sunday though his friends came to the performance so I felt when he walked off it was kind of rushed like he wanted to get off.. DON’T HATE ME TSUKA DX
but this.. this feeling was so different, I felt so happy like content with myself., everything that happened in japan or the things I had to do to get here was so worth while..
I wanted to say hello to my friend who was also at the show but it was a busy exists so I couldn’t see her. I hope perhaps we can meet next time tiffany <3
I saw my dad outside and I laughed because he was surrounded by all these fan girls. I felt kind of bad because well this was a dad for me and it must have been awkward for him lol.
it was pretty late , must have been around 8 or 9 or something, and the next day we had to be up and early to head to the air port.
before we went to the hotel we went to a restaurant to eat something.
the food was soo good. I miss the food in Japan.
the food here in England is crap.
my father asked me about the show and I told him about it.
he asked what show I preferred. And I couldn’t pick really, they were both as good as each other.
the food I ordered was really good, I cant forget the name of the meal I had, but it was rice with beef or pork with raw egg in it. I never had it before but I really enjoyed it. And btw I tried many time in the past but I really struggle using chopsticks to I did struggle eating sometimes, it was quite embarrassing.
there was a couple in the restaurant sitting next to us, the guy on other table started talking to my dad.
they were from Australia and were on holiday in japan as well.
I spoke a bit as well because the trip was well really done for me.
so the guy was asking what we did there and what I wanted to do.
it was nice to see people all over the world come together in another country enjoying there time in japan.
I wish I could travel more myself, but money does not grow on trees right.
and well energy is difficult for me too.
my father told him that I just came back from a show and then he asked what I weren’t to see. He asked if I was in the theatre myself and that was the 2nd time I heard someone say that because another Australian couple from the hotel asked me the same thing when I was going to tsukas show.
so do I look like I work in theatre or something xD
I was wearing my beret hat a lot so it perhaps gave off the vibe.
they were very nice.
at the restaurant I think I remember that the guy said that his wife wanted to come to japan and he said shes struggling health wise, because we spoke about my difficulties.
im not much of a chatty person but I did talk quite a bit when I was there.
we both left at the same time and said it was nice to meet you and enjoy the rest of your trip, and I think he said stay strong or something along those lines.
health wise, you know you can do it stay on your feet sort of thing because I think he said his wife went through cancer so the trip to japan was a treat for her.
hopefully they are both doing ok.
I was so shattered by the time we got back to the hotel but I had to pack that night as well so I did that.
I really didn’t want to leave but our time was coming to an end now and the next day was going to be another long one.
I went to sleep that night feeling very happy.
just wish that moment though with tottsu lasted longer!
It may have been a moment but its something I can cherish forever.

other places i blog
i dont wanna break up the diary posts but i do have 2 other places i post at if anyone wants to have a look or add me, i dont mind ^_^




kinda spoiler because i already wrote about one of the days in japan lol
had to reset my password because i forgot.

Day 4 ~ off to harajuku today!
today another year goes by
im another year older, oh nos
you are almost reaching... shhh no dont say it -_-
1st of september its my birthday whoop whoop so lets party \^o^


enough of that
lets back into the trip shall we.

wakeing up today i was not in pain, thank god.
breakfast is served from 7 till 9am.
and every time we had to take a ticket down with us that was left in the rooms.
it was irritating as i forgot to bring it with me 3 times lol .
the food was good.
again on the reviews people complaned for the lack of choice for food.
the selection was fine, we dident care, we was up and out so a quick breakfast was fine.

so i couldent wait any longer, i wanted to visit harajuku so we decided to go there.
well we had to take the train of course.
and we used the subway alot.
the tickets are tiny arnt they.
we spent most money on the train more than anything on our trip.
from seeing vids online about the trains i was worryed, but it was not as bad as it was.
people are very structured there.
like no pushing or shoveing , i like that.
people here in the uk, when on the underground, people dont care, they push and shove you so they can get in first.
non of that happend in japan and it made it more easyer.
we decided to take a de tour though and went though yoyogi park.
it took us a while to............oh wait.
yup my brain is loading this moment.
i wanted to go to shinjuku first.
thats right xD
um, in the end i dident have a look around, i should of done but i dident >.<
for some reson when we got there i changed my mind.
my dad was like -_- really, you do this now >.<.
ok ok , i kinda wanted to go there for a reson.
its a hot spot for idol spotting lol sooooo i thought perhaps i might see a serten someone there.
i would of been looking around for basicly nothing.
there was a shrine i wanted to see because *ahem* someone goes there.
welp , i changed my mind, i dident wanna feel stupid , so in the end we walked to yoyogi park.
it was a nice day this day and not many people around.
we got there eventuly with some help from some local people showing us the way.~
i saw this horse stable and there were kids around 4 to 5 rideing horses, it was very cute.
a stable in the middle of tokyo , i dident expect to see that.
i could see all the trees, we finaly made it.
i loved the structure at the entrance, it was soo beautiful.
my dad was awestruck and took some photos.
it was so big the park lol.
took it slowly strolling though.
whats the point in rushing right, ha i laugh saying that i felt rushed because i struggle with energy levels.
well i went at my own pace anyway.
we made it to the center of the park and i kinda got over excited.
"ohh look the first sighting of a temple."
and this area was like my main area when i went to japan,.
i saw it as like a save point in a game you know, something you keep going back to because well this is the place i lost my mobile phone, lol great huh xD.
i washed my hands with the water bowl thing, im sorry i dont know the name.
i also saw this catapiller.
I love animals, and i saw this ass hole guy go by and squash it, it made me so mad, like why do that you stupid ****.
inside we went and there just so happen to be a cerermony take place.
so many tourests here and my fellow red heads ^.~
They played the drums there.
my dad loved it so much here that we stayed for almost 2 hours.
i was already done here xD but my dad wanted to stay.
i sat down on the steps and me and a few other people got told off by a guard to move our asses.
really i should of bought gifts for family and freinds here, but you know what , i felt bad when i got back but i dident get anything, i hardly got anything for myself either.
i felt being here i wouldent by much unless its je related.
it was more for memories you know, takeing everything in.
im older now so i guess i tresure these things more than objects.
saying that though i did go to a gift shop and got a few little things,
saw these little cats on display and i was playing with them, this glass one has a bell in it and i kept spinning them all.
im going to get into trubble if i keep doing this xD
so i decided to take one home with me and mess around with it at my hotel.
I also got another cat that had the luck symbol for health, i thought it was approprete for me.
the lady at this till was so lovely , and she had very good english aswell.
Finaly we headed for harajuku.
i knew even before we got there my dad is going to hate it,
and yup he did lol.
i was looking for the johnnys store but unfortunetly i couldent find it, so i dident go in >.<.
the train station here is so tiny, i was like omg is that it.
its so small like a dolls house.
the street was right infront of it, it was soooooooo crouded here ugh.
dident matter what day it would be the same.
so we took a stroll though.
i came across my first unoffical je store.
ah finaly...lol
i looked at my dad and he was like "its ok , ill wait here"
there were so many photos, and with my dad not really wanting to hang around a shopping area i thought.
wow how the hell am i gonna do this. >.<
i lost my confiance and went outside.
my dad was like "what is it"
"ehh i dont know what im looking for, i dont know what to do."
luckly in the morning at the hotel i wrote down in japanese the idols i was intrested in, so i took it with me to help sort of ask the staff for help.
this store though felt very very dogy
like a drug store or something they way the till was set up.
well there was this guy there and i was like "ummmmm, hello im looking for a.b.c-z"
gave him the note with my shitty writing with tottsus and tsukas name on it.
he came out of the cash area and directed me to the photos.
i was like "oooooooo" in my head o.o
"arigato" i said.
gosh i must of spent like 30 mins in there flicking though these photos.
and this was just 1 store.
i really was trying to be quick but i couldent, my hads were shakeing as you have to write numbers down.
so trying to note these numbers while not wanting to let my dad wait forever i tryed to be quick.
how can i right with so many photos.
in the end i was done and went to the till.
like i sayed before i struggle with writing so i thought i hope the poor guy can read this.
the store was empty till i was at the till i formed a que.
actuly i saw a set of photos but they were tied up, i should of asked the staff to take it off but i took it off myself , i felt bad doing it but i was stuck at the till because i was paying so i just went back and grabed them.
he came back and told me that 1 photo was out of stock but it was alright, i just needed to leave now.
finaly went out.
this place is very much like a place in london called camden town, its pritty kool.
though camden town is bigger i think.
i came across another je store.
my dad looked at me and just nodded lol.
this place had tons of those photo booths.
like really there obsest with these here, i hate my photos.
thats not why im here.
so many hand made posters.
i saw a tsuka one hanging up and i was like "i want that"
there was so much stuff.
took me a while but i found the group i was looking for.
i sat down for about 15 mins writeing numbers.
there was sale box behind me so i spent a while going though that
im glad i did because i found a few things.
i got like 10 poster things and other stuff.
my dad came down after i bought stuff and sayed "what are you doing, you are takeing forever.
"im not spending all day in this place so when you are ready can we go."
i was not really intrested in the other store, but the other je stores i did want to go into my dad ignored them and wanted to get out of the area xD.
well i would be back another day because of the show so i guess i can go back and look in the stores i missed.
anyway i was a little hungry so we went to find a place to eat.
we stoped at an hawaii resturant.
i love love love the melon soda they have here, its so good.
we dont have it here.
i ordered a chicken dish with rice, there was so much on my plate i couldent eat it all >.<.
after lunch we headed for shibuya.
we went to look for the parco theater because i wanted to know the location of the place.
took a while but we found it finaly.
what a place to have a theater.
inside a shopping mall looool and on the top floor aswell.
i went to the 8th floor and they had some anime manga stuff, just broused around.
we asked the people at the desk where the theater was located and told us where the theater was located.
the theater was closed this day, curious i wonder if they were rehersing up there lol.~
but non the less i felt more comfterble knowing of the location.
actuly tottsus theater was very close to where we was staying.
but the other one i dident have a clue.
but we found it.
walking around the building i saw a bill bord and one poster was of the show.
i pointed at it and sayed "ahhh thats it, thats the show i come here to see!"
Well one of them of course.
"yup, lool i want to take this poster back to the hotel with me" i said.
my dad was like "thats going to be impossible".
I should say this but im not one to fan girl or show emotion so its hard for people to tell if im happy or not.
when i went on a cruise with my nan,.
when we got back my nan sayed to my mum "did emma enjoy it because she has not spoken about it much"
of course i enjoyed it and i told her this when i found out she dident know if i had a good time.
im sorry i dont show my feels all the time.
its just me.
well i my face did light up when i saw this poster.
my dad took a photo of me next to it.
in the end we decided to leave.
i saw an arcade and well eh couldent resist so i went in.
i took a while in there and well i tryed to win this plush from atsume neko, i really wanted it.
i drew im quite a croud because i was very very close to winning it.
well my dad came in and sayed "come on stop waisting your money on this crap and lets go"
i got a telling off xD
well with reson because my dad dident want me to waist money on this when it can be used for something better.
i know what he meens but part of the reson i wanted to come to japan was to have a go on these things and even so i couldent take my time in there *sigh*.
that was the last arcade in japan i went into -_-.
we headed back to our hotel as it was getting late for us.
back on the train we go.
you know alot of people use there phones in england, well duh right.
i was shocked to see the amount of people on there phones on the train, in all honesty it made me very upset.
they could have a chance in chatting to new people but they were all , all of them on there phones.
my dad was saying how sad it was to see this.
i can understand this because i feel the same.
when at home i go online alot. but when im out im never on my phone, mostly if im with someone i always have it off.
to me i find it rude.
but well its causeing no halm, but i just see that we are so fixed to a screen these days and dont pay attention to whats around us any more.
i enjoyed SOME of the train journys.
and the local japanese people were not bothered by us.
i was worryed as being over seas i would get looks but not so many thank god.
hotel again its nice to have a room to yourself.
when you are so tired you just wanna sleep.
i tryed desprately to get hold of family memebers at home, but my phone has this thing called roman that gives you limited access.
might i add that i had no connection what so ever to freinds or family.
i forgot my fb pass word and my emails wouldent let me access because i was overseas and had to varify that i was me.
i was not in the mood to fuck around on a computer while im away.
but i was upset that i couldent talk to anyone,
honestly i felt quite alone at these times.
luckly i managed to send a long ass message to my mother.
bless her, she worrys alot about me, and well being over seas she needed to know i was there.
FINALY i could reply, and she was happy i was haveing a good time.
i had time to go though all the crap i bought and displayed some of it in my room.
had a bath, so nice to have one shower or bath after this heat wave.

well i guess thats the end of another day lol
where shall i go tomorrow.

more photos in japan!Collapse )
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Day 3 in japan , may 2016 18th
Im sorry its been a while since i posted.
Things have not been good atall here, we had some very bad news and i have not been in the mood to do anything recently!

When we arrived in japan it was day 2.
I should of put that on the last blog >.<
its now day 3

on the 3rd day i woke up in complete pain.
I have to take tablets before i sleep due to my spine.
since my operation i have had to take them and i forgot to take them last night.
what a great start!.
when this happens i cant litrelly do anything, i feel like a brick my sholders hurt so bad.
I had to force myself up this day, i took them , but it takes time for it to go though.
how on earth am i going to do this.
moments like this i have to switch off from the world.
like im not in control of my body, i do this alot.
so i had to put myself in this position.

My dad came in to ask if we was ready to go for our first trip around tokyo........
"ready as ill ever be" i said to myself
we missed breakfast but that dident bother me.
took a drink and was ready to leave.

It was such a hot day!
I dident realise how hot it would be and the state i was in....i dident want my body to stop me.
we decdided to take a walk around our local area first.
I had to sit down every 10 mins.
I felt bad for my dad because i am very slow , but even slower at this state.
But he understands this and really we had all day to look around.
I thought "if this is going to be every day with this pain , its going to be impossible."
but i pushed on.
we decided to head towards Tokyo Imperial Palace and take it slow.

I was very nervus too, i dont go out much at home in the uk.
so being on the other side of the world was even scaryer for me to be honest.
there was alot going on, people rushing here and there to get to work or school.
after time i got used to my surroundings.
The people in japan are dressed very smart arnt they.
alot of bussness people around where we was staying.
we sat down for a bit to have something to eat.
then headed towards the Imperial Palace.

We made it there finaly.
perhaps quicker if i was not slow.
but wow what a site.
there were people haveing picnics on the greenery and freinds gathering.
again we sat down in the shade to take in the suroundings.
my dad wanted to take some photos.
i hate haveing my photo taken but i dident mind haveing photos done here because i wanted to do it for my family and well i did wait 10 years to come all the way here.
it was a lovely area.
My god though has anyone noticed how many crows are in japan.
we made quite a few freinds lol.
slowly by this point i was feeling better than i was in the morning.
we decided to take a walk around the palace
I stood by the lake that was around it.
they had tortoise in there and loads of carp/koi.
Alot of them gathered at the edge, looked like local people did feed them.
A man came up to me and my dad and spoke about the the fish to us.
unfotunetly we.. well couldent underatand japanese , but he tryed very hard to tell us about the fish and where they are located.
There was a few things i could understand but very little >.<.
seemed like he was very keen to show us all the ganji tourests about the fish in this area.
it was nice to see the local people keen to share there passion to other people.
my dad wanted to have a look at the gardens they had located next to the palace as he is very fond of nature extra.
I was curious too so we took a look.
The ticket guards gave us this plastic token thing, so we dident have to pay.
there was a small musium inside so we took a look.
My dad was very intrested in the stuff they had in there.
Old tradishanal clothing and wall hangs and dolls.
I saw a chair in the corner and i so wanted to sit down.
I was sweating so badly, it had a fan.
but i resist and dident sit down.
There was this indian family that we came across alot in the gardens.
well the son sat down on the chair, and this guard came over and just used a hand guester to tell him to get off.
i perhaps would of been told to shove off aswell if i sat down.
One chair in the corner i guess was there for a reson.

so after we went out and had a look around the gardens.
I do have pictures of it.
ah i should say here um
unfortunetly on sunday in japan i lost my phone.
so all my photos i took are gone thanks to me >.<
so the photos i have are what my dad took.
and i luckly had a camera but used it on my last day in japan but i will get to that on another post.

so we took a stroll around the gardens.
I took any shade i could because i couldent stand the heat.
I drank about 5 bottles of drink that day and im not a big eatter or drinker.
there were alot of tours though here with the elderly.
they smiled at us walking past and other over sea people would just say hi as we walked past.
honeslty i can barely remeber this day because of the pain to be honest.
we walked past a sumo wresaling building i think it was.
my dad took alot of photos around this area.
after going though the gardens i noticed that tokyo dome was close by.
So that was our next destination.
it took a while to get there but it was alright.

of all days though ,
when we arrived there were a ton of fan girls.
it was un expected lol.
a korean band shineee was performing there that day.
and i started to feel uncomfterble with the croud, there were so many girls there.
when we left at the end of the day, i could hear shinee sing in the dome and the fan girls go wild inside.
we had a look around the little shopping area they had there.
i wanted to have a look around.
the roller coster was awesome, i loved how they merged a small theme park, a stadium and a shopping area into one.
you could be there all day if you wanted too.
I saw an arcade, i really really wanted to go into one.
it was one of the things i was looking fowerd to comeing to japan.
my dad knew i would be in there all day if i was alone but i only stayed in for a little while.
all the plush they had is 100000000 better than the crap we get in our games.
so i had a go on a few and i won 2 toys from the same game!
I came out and my dad was like "you won again"
im quite a pro on these things though i must say!
had quite a collection from the stuff i won but i sold alot of it now.
But these 2 im keeping.
I only looked in one store, i was not really in a shopping mood that day and well my dad being a man dident want to spend all day in a shopping complex.
I saw this very cute little teddy in one store.
I dident know if to buy it or not but i did,
I learned about the tax system when i got it, it was new to me as when i bought it, it cost more than the price shown on the display.
the teddy is how you say SUPER KAWAII
It really is, lol ill put a phot of her up.
we went into a supermarket around here to grab snacks for the hotel.
i was really tired and wanted to go back.

sounds like we dident do alot that day but we did xD

oh our hotel btw was not too bad lol.
i saw alot of complants on sites about it but really i dident see anything wrong with it.
you got a toilet and a shower, bath.
a bed of course and a really big tv.
i had a really big mirror in my room and ugh i hate mirrors.
i covered it up with my jumper because i have a fear of them......long story >.>
oh when we got back btw, the cleaners clean the room every day and they leave little origami crane birds on our beds.
it was nice to see them do that, i have quite a collection of them now.
We had our own rooms btw.
so it was nice to crash out at this time of day.
i put up my new fluffy freinds on my table along with my a.b.c-z crap xD
A freind of mine kindly bought an abcz calander for me from japan.
and well i took it back with me and had it displayed on my table, along with my little tsuka fan that i stupidly dident take to the show, i so wish i did.
anyway it was nice to have a shower.
the tub was comfterble. i was wondering how it would be but it was nice.
Because of my spine, its not easy to lay back and chill, but it was not bad atall.
I was tired and not in the mood to watch tv so i decided to hit the hay.
I remebered to take my tablets this time lol.

day 3 in japan photos!Collapse )

may 16th Day 1 going to the airport
Dident get any sleep last night.
how could i knowing what was going to happen the next day.
today is the day.
all packed and ready to go.

i live in a very small country village so it was going to be a long drive to the airport but because we travel quite a lot around England it was going to be easy to get there.
We was going to meet my dad at the airport.
arrived early so we had time to spare so that's good.
my mum was very emotional, everyone knew how much i wanted to go , but my mum has basically not just been a mum but support a care person for me as i do struggle with physical difficulty's so this was very hard for her to let me go.
yes im an adult but family bonds are strong aren't they, and besides i will be on the other side of the world for the first time, i don't know what im setting myself up for , but i was ready for it.

getting to the airport was fine, but *sighs* my mum insisted i take a wheelchair with me as i struggle with standing due to limited energy.
well that was not a straight process, you had to wait with other people to get a chair at heathrow airport i forgot to add what airport i was at.
eventually we got one but the process pissed us off.
we got one and it was time to go though the gates
My mother started crying seeing me go.
i hate to say this but its true, though at my age, im still treated like a fragile flower (as i call it).
yes im clumsy and been though alot of hospitals and stuff and i know, my family knows and my freinds know how much i wanted this.
from being half dead in a hospital bed to going on a trip half way around the world just got too emotinal for my mum and family.
i told them not to worry and gave my mum a hug.

next stage was getting though scanners n stuff, and well it was a breeze as me being in a chair actually made the check in and shit a lot easier.
had something to eat as we had time to spare and after that it was time to board the plane.
the restaurant i picked was lush as, and the waiter was pretty erm cute loool and super friendly.
served us imminently, we had the chair with us but i sat on a sofa to eat.
me and my dad starting talking about things to see and do in japan.
he knew the main goal of the trip though, to see a ahem someone or 2 people in that matter.
we planed this all in advance btw of course
ahh crap, i should of spoken about that first?
ehh >.< agh i really should wow ok this is mixed up now.
ill finish this and then write about before i left for japan?
that alright, ok ok

anyway it was time to leave to board the plane.
the waiter thanked us and came to me and sayed "have a wonderful trip"
oh sir why thank you >.<
me being shy as i am in life turned away and was like "oh .....thank you"

only till then it hit me, it hit me the fact that this is actually happening going to japan, you know "seeing is believing" that's the kinda person am.
So getting on the plane was fine and the staff were really nice and helpful.
Now it was time for a fun 12 hour flight....12 long hours -_-
my dad HATES plane journeys so for him it was difficult, as for me i love airports alot its one of my fave places as i enjoy to travel and plane journeys can be just as existing.

So already on the plane and im getting looks from the people travailing home to japan.
not even landed yet and im already getting looked at......i don't like it.
(i suffer from anxiety, ill get to that on another post)
The food the air hostess provided was alright, Japanese food i don't eat hardly ever but it was nice and i cant use chopsticks so yay for that, trust me i tried.
yall know how shit my writing and typing is, you think eating for me is any easier lol nope its not.
(i have Arthrogryposis, another issue of problems to add to my list)
info on the condition here:

ANYWAY the flight took us through the night so that was good timing.
the movies they provided was pretty crap other than dead pool as i wanted to watch it.
honestly not much to say about the flight other than that.
we arrived in japan around 11am time i think, im not sure.

As we landed, one of the air hostess came standing next to me, she stood there for a good 4 mins felt like.
in the end she keeled down to my level and asked me if i wanted a wheel chair, i replied "yes please if that's aright with you."
she smiled and nodded.
well though before that i must say i felt so bad because the same lady was clearing up peoples left over food trays you know, and well she dropped about 4 on the floor right next to me, i dident do anything, i felt really bad after i wish i steped in to help her but i dident, plus the trolly was in the way.
so when i saw her standing next to me, i thought she was gonna tell me off or something.
if she spoke to me imminently then ok but is that she stood there for 4 mins so i questioned it alot.
my dad i at the time was in the toilets so she perhaps wanted to ask him.
eh , whats done is done right.
the lady asked us to wait till everyone got off and we was alright with that as we planed to do that anyway.
annoying seeing people rush to get off so quickly, its best to wait till everyone has finished fluffing around.

So it was time to set foot on the other side of the worlds soil and what a welcome.
the plane staff were very nice when we left.
as we got off the plane there was a man waiting for us with a wheel chair already!
i felt like... i dont know how to say but like someone special?
all eyes focused on me, eh im not good being center of attention but i went with it.
the staff on the plane thanked us and sayed enjoy your trip ect and waved good bye.

we arrived in narita airport.
the man who brought us the chair actually stayed with us the hole time and escorted us through the airport.
He was very friendly, he even spoke very good English as well.
He seemed very happy to help guide us though to our destination.
we had to have our finger print scanned?
and what i hate more than anything in the world is having a photo taken,
had to have my ugly mug taken, i had to stare right at it.
i have a panic attack if i see my reflextion. (another story), i hate the way i look and i hate mirrors, so ugly.
ugh i just went with it and got it over and done with.
after that we got our bags.
my dad spoke to the guy alot, just makeing conversations about why we are there and that it was our first time in japan ect.

soo next part got confusing as we had no clue how to get to our hotel but luckly our guide was able to help with that.
i say guide, his job was to help basicly people with difficultys around the airport, disabled people i guess.
the airport was so empty so he was perhaps glad that he got to help someone out lol
very cheery person and smiled alot.

we needed to get a train to our hotel that was about an hour away from the airport.
the guy spoke to some people on the phone to help us and then we went to to a desk to get some train tickets.
so in the end we left the airport and thanked our guide for helping us out.
and now i was on foot and oh boy the walking throughout japan i tell ya was exhausting.
we found our platform and the train.
it was pretty empty so we were lucky.
my anxiety started to kick in as now im in a different world completely.
the journey to the hotel was smooth and easy and it was nice to see our surroundings outside the windows.
i was so tired by this point i just wanted to drop there and then and sleep.
but we still had a long way to go.
ha it was raining too, great.

Our hotel was in the chiyoda area in a place called nihonbashi?
you know it?
well it was right next to tottsus performance that i was going to attend so that was pretty lucky.
his place was a breeze to find.
parco on the other hand was not so easy but ill talk about that later.

anyway we eventually made it to the hotel but we were early, i couldn't crash out.
my hair went to shit as i have natruly curly ginger hair, the weather ruined it, and thus it stayed that way for the rest of the trip as my lovely hair straighteners broke when i arrived.
something to do with the wats or something voltage?, it just dident work and that upset me A LOT.
2 days before i left for japan i went to have my hair done at the hairdressers for this trip.
so yes i was really upset when that happened.

we stayed in a Chinese restaurant to pass time till we could go into our hotel.
yeah a Chinese restaurant xD
it was yucky in there, they had cockroaches on the floor >.<
soooooooo over time we went back to our hotel and signed in.
the staff were nice but didn't speak English,
i dont expect anyone too. its our job honestly as a traveler to know a few or alot of there language to get by you know.
anyway we signed in and we both had a card key each for the rooms,
we both had our own rooms.
when we signed in the lady at the desk had some mail for me,
i was worried as i dident know if it would arrive or not but it did, well one of them anyway.
the ticket for netorare sosuke, i dident say was i was going to see did i xD
well it was for 3 shows, not a concert.
i deliberately tied this trip in with a show or concert.

The rooms were nice and had no view, but i dident care i wanted to sleep , just threw everything on the floor and went to take some zz'ds
but then the phone rang.
wtf ,,,,,,,why is the phone ringing,.. i dident aunser it.
my dad knocked on the door and sayed "this is for you".
"did the phone ring in your room" i asked my dad.
yup it was for yet another mail.
i knew what it was.
I was so relived to see all tickets arrived safely.
had 1 for netorare sosuke and 2 for boku no ana kare no ana.
(the process of getting these tickets was very very hard.
if it was not for my freinds help, i wouldent of been able to see my boys and hoestly this hole trip to me would of been for nothing.)
i could finaly relax and crash out.

Thus day 1 ends for my trip.....
hit the hay!

My journy to japan
Its been years since i posted here!

but for this i feel as though i need to write somewhere about my experience.

After waiting 10 yrs and dreaming of this moment for so long
that moment finally came true!

Yes i did it , i finally made it to japan!
its been an unforgettable experience and i did have a lot of ups and downs along the way.
This was not a normal trip for me and it was not easy either but i did it after so long i did it.

where do i start.
i will cut it up into days diary's if anyone is interested in hearing my story
if not then its for me to look back on, as i still come here from time to time.

I want to thank my farther for this because if it was not for him then this dream never would of happened, honestly i am truly grateful.

and yes i got to see my boys both tsuka and shota ^_^.
i would cut it short and get to talking about them but no i need to start from the beginning right?
well if you do take the time to read my trip then i thank you.
so lets get stuck into it shall we...

I have part of tsuka
well HELLO lj
its been some time eh

yes im still here from time to time.

so whats with the title?
ya little odd

well anyway i got something recently that im so greatful to own.
but how i got it was strange

i tryed to bid on it but i lost
i was upset but then 2 months later the winner re sold the item.

i was annouyed because its like there was no thought to the idol what so ever, it was all for profit.
anyway i own this now and i will take care of it.

tsuka bracelt
tsuka braceletr
potato letter.

I did put it on , and its so heavy lol
i tryed to take it off a few hours later but it was stuck on my arm for 2 days >.<
got it off in the end. i feel like i have part of him with me <3

my clementine is here.
Well here she is, my clemantine.

Hope you don't mind me sharing here.
Gotta say, I never spent so much time looking at a doll.
I was amazed how she turned out, shes darling, I'm so happy with her.

I have taken some photos. Would yo liike to see them?
This girl her personality she loves to explore and before I could take photos she was off wandering about.
Found her in the garden and decided to take some photos of her.

photos in here :3Collapse )

where is this from?
does anyone know this magazine?


cinema square vol.59 scans?
can someone help me?

im looking for these scans



does anyone know where i can find them?
i would be so greatful