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Going to see tottsu ♥ My last day in japan.
pandapaw
Tuseday 24th may 2016.

yup i kinda gone off track with the hole diary thing but this upload has been so slow i wanna get to the good stuff as i have not been feeling too well and i cant see me finishing my diary any time soon so here is my experiance seeing one of my idols <3

Today is the day, the moment I have been waiting for.
I wouldent of thought this day would come but it has.
The show was going to be in the evening so we had most the day to do other things.
so what was the first thing we did. Well I wanted to look for my phone, so we went back to the place I last had it and looked around.
Had no luck at all and honestly talking about it just irritates me because I don’t even remember losing it >.<.
we asked a few people but sadly they didn’t come across it at all.
a lady in the store gave us a lost and found number to call incase we couldn’t find it.
if I ended up accidently throwing it in the bin im going to kick myself because I do recal eating something on Sunday and when after went to put something in the bin, it felt heavyer than normal but I took nothing of it.
uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
we after running all over shibuya and yoyogi park we decided to head back.
I was exhausted so I went back to the hotel and my father went to the planaterium that’s by the sky tree shopping area.
it was on my list to do this as well because I admire kagayas art and one of his shows was on there. But I knew I would be too tired to for the show in the evning as my energy levels are extremely limited.
so while my father went to the planetarium I slobbed about in the hotel room.
Watched the tv and pigged out on the food.
after my experience at parco, this time I was thinking fuck it, lets go all out now shall we.
so I prepared to get rid of most my anxiety in the room, I had enough time to prepare, and that I didn’t have enough time to prepare for tsukas show, I think that’s why I was so stressed out aswell.
well I had enough time to freak out before I went out again.
Chose my outfit to wear for tonight and I couldn’t do shit with my hair because my hair straighter wouldn’t work.
my hair is naturally curly and red and I hate it and I don’t like going out with my curly hair. So I was upset that I had to go out with my hair looking like shit.
I had no choice though.
so after stuffing myself with food I decided to get ready.
put my little red dress on and tried to make the most of my hair,
make up I put on and I hardly wear make up unless im going out somewhere special.
black leggings and a French hat that I wear almost every day I was in Japan to cover as much of my hair as I could xD.
had this small black leather bag I took with me.
the time came and it was ready to go see netro raresosuke.
my dad said I look very nice. That was kind of odd to hear but I was please that it shows I made an effort. But I got no comments from my white dress I was wearing to the other show. >.<
I planed all my outfits. Well anyway I felt quite confident this time going out.
it was the last day for me in Japan so I tried hard to not let my demons get the better of me.
I apologise but I really cant remember the name of the train station we got off at.
but I do remember it was very beautiful, they had a market inside with traditional Japanese goods for sale.
We had a bit of time so we had a look around. My dad really enjoyed it around here as well.
I stumbled across 2 posters of the show I was going to see.
there were 2 other girls there taking a photo of it, and I went up and was like “ahh this is it that’s him”
my dad responds “ahh your smiling”.
ah im like “what do you mean smiling?.”
“you have not smiled much and its nice to see it, you looking forward to the show?”
he asks.
“yes of course but nervous as well, but its to be expected I guess.”
on our way to the theatre now we ended up getting lost getting there.
we had time to spare luckily.
my father tried asking a few people, but I notice some people well mostly females in Japan don’t like to be approached.
perhaps because my father is a man that they would of got the wrong impression and think they were being hit on because it happened quite a few times in Japan.
but when they saw me come along they realised we were genuly looking for help.
I tend to hide away from people so I slowly approach with friends with other people so I look like im not with someone until I step closer.
so they saw me and was like “ahh ok”.
One lady bless her, she went out of her way and showed us where to go to the shinbashi theater.
she walked with us for a good 5 mins to where the theatre actually is. In the opposite direction of where she was going.
she didn’t have to do that but it was really nice of her to do so.
we both thanked her and smiled and then both carried on our way.
when I saw all these girls walking around the corner I thought ah this must be it here.
sure enough it was.
so many people suddenly appeared.
my father asked me “do you want me to come in with you.”
I had a think about it and I thought “you know I think I will be ok. I can do this”
“I can meet you out here after the performance.”
cant believe I decided to go in on my own but for some reason I don’t know why I had confidence then. I think its because I had time to prepare when last time I didn’t so I was on edge the hole time.
anyway going in was difficult because there was tons of people.
I had no clue what I was doing or where to go.
at the entrance there were staff selling the pamphlets so I decided to buy 2 of them.
I decided to make my way to the second floor as that was where I will be sitting but where about I don’t know xD.
up here it was empty, but there were staff by the doors, my nerves started to kick in.
they were looking at me, it took me a while but I managed to get my ticket out and calmly approached one of the staff members.
my Japanese is terrible so I showed her my ticket and she took me to where I would be sitting.
honestly I didn’t like where I was sitting. I was in the middle of 3 seats on the corner.
and it felt very cramped.
getting the tickets was a nightmare so any seat as close as possible was going to be ok with me so I didn’t complain too much,
as we were all waiting though I started to panic again and I tried to gain my composure. I also noticed that once again I was the only ganji in the audience so I had a few looks here and there.
suddenly though I looked on the first floor and I saw a girl I knew I made friends with. She also came to see shota perform and luckily she told me she had been more than once so she was a regular, lucky lucky.
I was .lucky enough to get this day to go because it would not of been possible.
well the show was about to start.
I had a staff member come up to me and showed me the rules in the theatre of what not to do etc.
no leaning over to see the actors was one of them >.< and I was on the corner lol.
The show lasted a good 3 hours while the other was only 1 hour.
It first started with a movie and it must have been about 20 mins long.
then after that the show began.
finally get to see tottsu for the first time ♡
he was wearing ah I don’t know how to say but like white shorts.
there must be a name for it because all the clothes were traditional Japanese style which was lovely to see.
there was a lot of dancing and singing in the show.
a lot of comedy and a lot of innuendos, A LOT OF INUENDOS.
my Japanese may be terrible but I know how to pick up body language.
honestly sexual jokes I don’t amuse me in the slightest so I did struggle a bit to take that all in but other than that I did enjoy it.
one of the actors on stage did notice me in the audience even in the dark (joichiro fujiwara).
gave me the same look that tsuka gave me.
This was like going on for a good 2 mins , just staring right at me. And then he whispered something to one of the female actresses in the show and she looked up at me.
I was actually so tempted to wave to him “I can see you looking, can you tell tottsu im here please” i joked to myself.
I spoke to my friend after I arrived back in England, we spoke about the show and she told me she was upset that day seeing tottsu, I asked how come.
she told me he didn’t seem himself, like he was very on edge nervous.
im not sure.
I couldn’t see too well as she was on the first floor so she was able to get a better view.
well I felt that he took his role in the show very seriously. they travailed to different areas in Japan to perform this show. He and the cast must be quite tired. But the show must go on as they say,
he did look very serious though and I did see him look at my friend a lot.
shes been before so he must of thought “ah shes back again”
if only I could of attended the show more often.
there was a break in the show and I took the time to go to a shop that was there and get something for my sister.
the staff there must of known I was coming because they were very polite to me.
way way before I set off to japan we asked about tickets, we rang the theatre up from England.
it was a bit difficult but this was a new thing to us , we didn’t know how to go about getting tickets for shows. So it was a learning curve. Its not easy is it. Well the gave us some information and we looked into it.
In the end a friend of mine who lives in japan helped me try to buy tickets, it was so stressful as during that time my dad couldn’t stay in Japan on the 24th of may.
I had to beg basically to have that 1 extra day to see the show, and im grateful because my dad went out of his way and was able to have that extra day free.
this was partly well mostly why I wanted to go to japan to see this ok.
well after weeks of back and forth emails we bagged tickets. I was so truly grateful but im not going to lie the stress of it all made me ill.
I was relived that it was all finally sorted.
well back to the story right lol.
there was so much going on in this show, I cant remember everything.
the story is about a troupe (group or gang)
the leader that is tottsu is in love with the leading lady who played as a
Oiran (yumiko takahashi) , please correct me if I am wrong.
and he was in love with her but she kept running off with other men.
another actress in the show is in love with him but he is in love with yumiko.
I felt that saki fukuda played more of a sisterly role , I did enjoy her role in the play actually she also had a solo part where she started to sing.
there were a lot of people performing in this so I cant remember everyone.
but basically in the end yumiko does fall for tottsu but sadly during that time of affection she ends up being killed. So the ending was very sad.
but at the end she came back in a traditional japanese wedding dress and there was sakura petals floating down on the stage, it was very pretty.
he and her walked down together hand in hand and it ended like this.
the audience went wild all of a sudden and then the film from the beginning started to play and showed the backstage rehearsals and cast..
everyone was clapping and cheering at the screen.
I thought that was the end but it was not.
the hole cast came out and bowed to everyone.
then everyone went to stand up and the cast started to give a speech to there audience.
I was not expecting this.
by this all the lights were on and I didn’t like it because that means they can all see my ugly face right.
now I struggle standing in one position for a long period of time due to my back.
but I tried to stand and keep my cool. Giving my respect you know.
It was coming to the end of the show. I was thinking in my head though “he didn’t notice me”. “my sempai didn’t notice me”.
As I was thinking this I could see tottsu scanning his audience, and then he looked at the audience on the second row.
I was like “ahh no, he is going to notice me.”
I was looking at the floor stupidly thinking to hide myself but I couldn’t could i.
I could see his eyes coming towards me and he did notice me ^^.
what do I do though when I notice that happened. I put my head down >.< and I stayed like it for quite a while.
but I do remember smiling a little before I did it. I looked like a timid puppy.
people smiling and waving and im like “please don’t look at me”
but at the same time I wanted him to look , and I wanted to look at him but my emotions got the better of me. Yes yes I do like him so that made it hard for me.
but you know what after eventually I did raise my head and I could see him smile.
I feel as though tottsu struggles with eye contact from what I have seen on shows and interviews ect, so it was so lovely to see him smile and perhaps at me.
I didn’t expect it at all but you can imagine how I must of felt.
My heart was racing.
after hearing how nervous he must have been when my friend told me and then towards the end seeing me, I don’t k now, I kind of felt like well I was very happy and I saw him smiling after he saw me.
This is going off the subject but the girl sitting next to me, my side buddy , she was so beautiful.
im not going to lie ok I think Japanese girls are very beautiful and I envy that. I look like shit compared to her.
she seemed really nice though , we smiled at each other, I mean we are all there for the same thing right..
the cast then bowed and waved goodbye to everyone.
my eyes were fixed on one person though lol.
tottsu waved goodbye towards me and had a big smile on his face.
I did again put my head down but for a short time and then looked up, I did what I shouldn’t of done and started to lean over the barrier to get a better look at him as he was walking off. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want it to end.
lets just say though after this I was in awe of what just happened but the rest of the day I had a big smile on my face. Like I could feel it in my heart as well you know.
tsukas show I had a completely different feeling, the fist day I was in shock, because of well seeing him.
the 2nd day I was heartbroken when I left the theatre because of myself not trying to smile, I don’t want him to feel like I didn’t enjoy the show because I did,.
its just the look he gave me was like out of curiosity ,,,I don’t know.
I don’t know the signs if someone likes you or whatever but I didn’t want him to feel like I didn’t enjoy myself because I did. And as he walked off ……………………… my heart hurt ok, I think because he is known for his smile, I was little upset that I didn’t see him smile much or at all when I was there,, the Sunday though his friends came to the performance so I felt when he walked off it was kind of rushed like he wanted to get off.. DON’T HATE ME TSUKA DX
but this.. this feeling was so different, I felt so happy like content with myself., everything that happened in japan or the things I had to do to get here was so worth while..
I wanted to say hello to my friend who was also at the show but it was a busy exists so I couldn’t see her. I hope perhaps we can meet next time tiffany <3
I saw my dad outside and I laughed because he was surrounded by all these fan girls. I felt kind of bad because well this was a dad for me and it must have been awkward for him lol.
it was pretty late , must have been around 8 or 9 or something, and the next day we had to be up and early to head to the air port.
before we went to the hotel we went to a restaurant to eat something.
the food was soo good. I miss the food in Japan.
the food here in England is crap.
my father asked me about the show and I told him about it.
he asked what show I preferred. And I couldn’t pick really, they were both as good as each other.
the food I ordered was really good, I cant forget the name of the meal I had, but it was rice with beef or pork with raw egg in it. I never had it before but I really enjoyed it. And btw I tried many time in the past but I really struggle using chopsticks to I did struggle eating sometimes, it was quite embarrassing.
there was a couple in the restaurant sitting next to us, the guy on other table started talking to my dad.
they were from Australia and were on holiday in japan as well.
I spoke a bit as well because the trip was well really done for me.
so the guy was asking what we did there and what I wanted to do.
it was nice to see people all over the world come together in another country enjoying there time in japan.
I wish I could travel more myself, but money does not grow on trees right.
and well energy is difficult for me too.
my father told him that I just came back from a show and then he asked what I weren’t to see. He asked if I was in the theatre myself and that was the 2nd time I heard someone say that because another Australian couple from the hotel asked me the same thing when I was going to tsukas show.
so do I look like I work in theatre or something xD
I was wearing my beret hat a lot so it perhaps gave off the vibe.
they were very nice.
at the restaurant I think I remember that the guy said that his wife wanted to come to japan and he said shes struggling health wise, because we spoke about my difficulties.
im not much of a chatty person but I did talk quite a bit when I was there.
we both left at the same time and said it was nice to meet you and enjoy the rest of your trip, and I think he said stay strong or something along those lines.
health wise, you know you can do it stay on your feet sort of thing because I think he said his wife went through cancer so the trip to japan was a treat for her.
hopefully they are both doing ok.
I was so shattered by the time we got back to the hotel but I had to pack that night as well so I did that.
I really didn’t want to leave but our time was coming to an end now and the next day was going to be another long one.
I went to sleep that night feeling very happy.
just wish that moment though with tottsu lasted longer!
It may have been a moment but its something I can cherish forever.

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